Thursday, 19 February 2015

Goings On And On Goings

I had intended this first post to be an audio log, which is a thing I'm gonna start doing eventually, but at the moment I'm struggling to find the time to put such a thing together. Eventually though!

So now that I have some time to actually sit down and collect my thoughts, I should probably explain what the hell has been going on in my life recently. I should probably start with the biggest and gravest news.

Several weeks ago I was officially diagnosed with severe depression. I have been on medication, 20mg Citalopram, every day since my diagnosis.So that's a thing.

It's a thing and it's a thing I should have started dealing with years ago, honestly. But I am dealing with it now, the medication has really kicked in now and I generally feel much better, and most importantly I start counselling sessions on Monday. I have had a lot of support from my friends and family already, and I can't thank them enough for it. There are demons I have to fight and I have already started to defeat some of them, but there is a long road ahead of me before I'll truly be "better". I know I don't walk that road alone, however. I will make it, one step at a time.

Part of this involves my work, and that's something I've found a rekindled enthusiasm for. In all honesty I didn't realise any of the spark had gone, but I have found myself newly enthused by my work. I've even noticed a change in tone since I began taking my medication, as my mood as improved, my cartoon work has been changing, if only subtly. I am playing with my cartoons more, my work seems more... cheerful, I guess! This was a heartening realisation.

I have been throwing myself more into re-enactment, although this has not been without it's own issues, which I shall get onto soon. Recently however our society had it's AGM, an event where we as a society vote in our new committee members. I actually ran for a position, Vice President. I did not get the position alas, however I am look at this in a positive light. I didn't get the position, no, but I am satisfied that the position will be held by someone who can do a lot of good for the society, and has a ton of experience under their belt. I am also pleased to know that the margin of victory was on a razors edge, I have been told that it was the most difficult vote of the meeting and that many simply couldn't decide who was better. To have that much sway even when running against the person I was, the current chairman for university societies for crying out loud, is something to be proud of.

It's not all good news on the re-enactment front sadly. I have made two major purchases for re-enactment, and I have been ripped off both times.Until both cases are resolved however I will be avoiding names... publicly, anyway.

My first purchase was for a sword, bought for my birthday last October. Now, this sword was rather cheap, so I made sure to carefully look into it (not quite carefully enough it seems), and everything seemed to check out. I e-mailed the seller to ensure that the blade was in fact suitable to re-enactment, and I got the all clear, I was told all that would need doing to the sword was that it would need dulling down. So I bought the sword, and in January I was able to get this work done.

The blade is gorgeous. It has a lovely weight to it, it looks wonderful and is generally rather impressive looking. It's also a useless pile of scrap. The sword is in no way suitable for re-enactment combat, contrary to what I was told by the seller, and is in fact very easily damaged by light tapping, ever mind the full on swings of combat. The worst case scenario for this? The blade could have shattered and KILLED someone. I'm furious about that, and have contacted trading standards for advice. I have been given a template letter to use to contact the company, once I get a written report from my blacksmith backing up my story. Trading standards contacted the company, and got no response. I'm shocked.

The second great rip off was on a pirate costume I bought. This time it was from a seller on ebay, who was impersonating a legitimate business elsewhere online. I had been advised to buy from this legitimate company, and I thought I had found them selling on ebay, since the images used and general language of the post were near identical, the preview images have certainly been stolen. I got a costume alight, but it is nothing like the images online and the materials aren't even what they're listed as being on the page. I will be contacting Paypal directly about this as the item has flat out been mis-sold.

SIGH. Other than those two things, I'm doing pretty good. I am however out on a lot of money on useless or knock off junk. But that will get sorted in time, and everything else is looking to be going nothing but up.

Here's to a happy new chapter in my life.


  1. It erased what I wrote. Great!

    Let's try this again.

    First and foremost, I'm sorry about the Major Depression and also congratulations on being prescribed the Major Depression, not for having it but it's better to know you do. It's important to always see it as a good thing you know. Keep yourself happy and focus on it.

    I hope I'm not being rude, but never feel bad for feeling sad. Remind yourself that your brain is literally cutting off your happy chemical and pumping in way more sad chemical. It is not your fault for feeling that way and it never will be. Allowing yourself to forget that or feel sad for it is just going to feed it. It's a bad cycle, never feel ashamed for it. And never feel ashamed for crying. I'm a cry baby a huge one. And you know what? I'm proud of that. Oh no, I allow my body to naturally pump a happy chemical in my body, how could I! Crying is awesome. Awesome. Never forget that, and you'll have a step up in the battle. And no matter what you do, never hate your depression. It doesn't mean to be awful, it just believes what it's saying. It hates itself as much as you might hate it, and you'll just add to the cycle if you hate it. If you love it for its faults it's easier to love yourself for your faults. Similarly it's easier to keep from spiralling. It's just sad and confused, like you, and neither of you deserve to be blamed for that. Believe it or not it does help, maybe it just doesn't allow those negative feelings to grow and spread or turn on you, but it does help. By not hating it you don't end up hating yourself. Find anything you're happy with about yourself. Make sure it comes from you and not others. And cling to that. Let those things grow.

    If that above post wasn't rude, I have more advice that might help if you ever need it. (I'm sorry.)

    As for the other things, for those people that ripped you off fuck 'em. As for the rest gratz.

    And as for your art, gratz for feeling better about it. I'm glad. Not feeling good about your art can feel terrible and be a terrible cycle. I'm so glad. You've evolved a lot as an artist, and I think it's kind of boss. I can't wait to see how you evolve further. I hope you continue to feel better about your art, and if you don't I will likely have something to say on the matter.

    In other news, I've been creating my own setting in DnD/Pathfinder (help), and if you ever want to just relax we can talk about that. Sometimes it's good to just chat about the little stuff, and I can run the setting by you if you want. In just a chatty way. You can talk to me about stuff you've worked on as well, or stories and such. If you ever want to. It's good to just relax sometimes. And those stories are from. I hope to see you again soon, and if not, I hope to hear you're doing good again soon. - Julia

    1. I could not find an edit button so "from" should be "fun*". This is why you shouldn't write things at four in the morning. Or be up at four in the morning. - Julia